Ramblings During Dinner Time: Water and Urine Don’t Mix


My friends and I usually grab a bite to eat and catch up. This happens about once a week. It is always an experience as I consider myself to be a character and enjoy having characters as friends. We have lively conversations and usually end up saying the most insane, introspective, intellectual yet somehow idiotic things. I had the idea for a travel blog, which turned into a food blog, which turned into this section of IDQT. What follows are snippets of conversations had over good food with better friends.

The Cast of Characters

Doc: Doc is a man in his early 30s. As his name denotes, he is a doctoral candidate in communications. Part Zach Galifianakis, part Big Labowski in looks, he is an intelligent, funny, witty, and dry humored fellow. He comes from the country and is more wildery than you and I combined (Unless you are Les Stroud from “Survivorman”, in which case, cool! I have a famous person reading my silly little rant!)

Juan: One of my favorite people in the world. He is one of those people that is unintentionally funny. Saying and doing things that most people scratch their head about. Me, I laugh loudly and uncontrollably. He is a student-at-large in graduate school and wants three things: to be happy, to find love, and to figure out what life is all about. Three things I think we can all admire about him. Chad and I tend to give him a hard time, jokingly of course. He is very much the younger brother spirit. His outlook on life is admirable and his awkward mannerisms are even better.

Chris: It’sa me, Christopher! #Marioreference

After hitting up a sports bar, which was incredibly full and unjustifiably so, although they do have AMAZING fried pickles, we contemplated where to go next.

“I could go for some ribs right now,” Juan said in his gravelly voice, which harkens back to an accent of Spanish dissent.

I began laughing hysterically. It may have been the best reference that came from nowhere, possibly ever.

“Well, I like Dim Sum,” Doc exclaimed. “What are you trying to say?”

“No, I mean we could go to a place that serves ribs. Like, it sounds good,” Juan said.

I continue laughing at the banter and we head to a local, small barbecue restaurant. It is part of a chain but rarely gets business. They have a quaint, almost cheesy vibe as it mixes old west ideologies and random signs like “service based on how well you treat me”. The ceilings and walls are made of untreated wood and light fixtures are metal water basins turned upside down as lampshades. We get seated, order B-B-Q nachos and begin our conversation.

The beginning is filled with random catching up conversation. “What have you been up to?”, “How are you?” etc.

There seems to always be a little lull in conversation after a few minutes. We all look around and think of the next random thing to say. On this occasion, I said nothing and completed my ritual. I take the butter knife and proceed to taste each barbecue sauce. Spicy being the first, which had so much pepper in it that I promptly choked, to the delight of Doc and Juan.

I then tried the original that nearly blew me out of my seat from the amount of vinegar in it.

Nachos arrive shortly after. Tortilla chips topped with shredded chicken, covered in smoky-sweet barbecue sauce, topped with melted cheese, jalapenos, and sour cream. We jumped in promptly.

Doc remarks on Juan’s eating style, which is much like a rat feasting on a meal after a long period without food. One thing you must know about Juan when sharing a meal: Be an aggressive eater. He tends to take his fill, so you have to make sure you stake your claim to it. I try to call him out but it doesn’t work.

Example #1435: I go for a chip. Juan spots the chip and snatches it faster than a ninja taking a shower (because ninjas take showers very quickly, obviously). He saw I was going for it and just launched for it. An entire plate of chips and he got mine. I started laughing and pointed it out.

The entrée came. Mine was turkey with bbq beans and fries.

Doc: baked potato, sweet corn, chicken tenders.

Juan: half-slab ribs, french fries, cole slaw

We jumped into our plates. Mine was delicious but fatty. I was incredibly surprised by this as I thought, “what the hell part of the turkey is this from that has so much fat?!”

We finished eating and the waitress took our checks with the cards in them. Juan asked for a refill of his water, to me bewilderment. I thought for a moment and then asked, “Why did you just order a refill when we were about to leave?”

“Because I was thirsty,” Juan said, lathering his words in disdain.

“But we are about to leave,” I said.

“I know, but I have to go to the bathroom,” Juan replied.

Doc began to furrow his brow.

“Why would you need to order a drink to go to the bathroom,” Doc asked.

“Because I was thirsty and I was going to go to the bathroom,” Juan replied matter-of-factly.

“Wait, you got the water so you could go to the bathroom,” Doc asked again.

“Well, I don’t know,” Juan said.

“Wait! I feel like we are all missing the point of why doesn’t he just get a drink of water at Starbucks,” I exclaimed.

“Well, I mean, I will just drink it until the check comes.”

“You really think she is going to take that long to get our checks where you can drink an entire glass of water?”

“No, I mean…”

The waitress comes with our checks approximately one minute after he orders the water.

“I just don’t get what the water has to do with you going to the bathroom,” Doc said. Juan merely replied with a shrug an.

The check came and I was still swimming from not understanding the logic but that is what is great about the two of them. Nothing makes sense about anything we say and it is a pleasure being able to admit that.




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