New York City is an Animal (Part 1)


Hi Gang!

I now work a remote position. Like many people, I transitioned into a remote role during COVID and absolutely love it. No office politics (for the most part), a ton more freedom, no feeling of micromanagement, and I feel free to actually do my job. The luxury this also brings is that wherever there is an internet connection, there is a Chris working! This was the case when my wife was tasked with visiting New York for a job summit. I got to ride her coat tails all the way to New York and it was one of those surreal experiences that you sit back and say, “Did that happen?”

We rented a vehicle, which was a brand new Tahoe aka a big boat of a car, and drove the 15 hours to New York. I am a huge fan of the Wicked books series and my wife surprised me with tickets to see Wicked ON BROADWAY! It is a legitimate bucket list of mine and I hopped on the opportunity to experience it.

The boat cruised the 15 hours to New York City fairly easily, only stopping for gas a few times. The journey was serene and filled with trees with more lush greens, ambers, and scarlets than I had imagined. We made our way through New Jersey which, honestly, seemed like any major town in the Midwest. We didn’t understand the hate for New Jersey as we made our way through. It honestly felt like we hadn’t left our hometown which was a little bit of a mindf***.

There is something that happens when you round a big bend to go towards the Lincoln tunnel and see this skyline that you have seen in films. This iconic tableau laid out in front of you seems so much more frightening in a way. It’s kind of looking at you saying, “Do you dare come here?’

We dared.

The traffic is no joke. I have been to Atlanta, Chicago, St. Louis, Denver, Honolulu, and many more bustling metropolises and I can say FUCK NEW YORK CITY TRAFFIC! I mean it is insane. Not because of the amount of traffic, but because of the psychopathic drivers and pedestrians. Green light? Doesn’t matter. Pedestrians just jog or walk in front of your car and give you a small wave as in thanking you for letting them cross. Most of the time they just didn’t look at us and kept walking. The drivers were constantly honking and I am not sure if they were honking at anything really. Just honking into the iron jungle of Manhattan for validity in the sea of humans and industry.

“I am here. I am alive. Hear me and get outta my way even if you ain’t in it!” The random honk can be interpreted as.

Once we got the car parked in a garage that allowed cars the size of the Titanic, we carried our bags the two blocks to our hotel.

It was hard not to just look up an give our best wow emoji face as we stood on Broadway mere feet from where Wicked was being enacted and where we would partake later that night. However, we needed to check into our hotel that was literally across the street.

I can say with full honesty New York City was not built for me. I am 6’6″ and built like a linebacker who retired a few years ago and got too accustomed to Lays chips in french onion dip. I towered over most people and nearly hit my head on so much that I thought I would have to sleep outside. This fact was even more so true once we got to the hotel room. It was a great location but the room seemed like someone had slathered the walls in grey “I watched HGTV for a month and know how to flip a room” paint. The kind you see in all the muted rooms that make you feel a bit glum. The bed was massive for the 15×12 room but was also springy. It felt like the bed was fighting back as you tried to fall asleep.

The most disconcerting part of the bed was the headboard. It had a pleather material covering some sort of foam that ended in a ring of glossy wood all around it. However, there were two spots where the pleather was peeling that justt so happened to be where individuals’ heads would be. if I need to lay this out for you of what I am implying, you may be too young for tthis blog.

Annnnnyyyywaaaayyyyy…..

The room was adorned with a desk and chair at the foot of the bed, leaving less than a foot to walk by; a broke down couch sat frumpily against the wall parallel to the bed; and snuggly in between the couch and the bed sat a black glass coffee table that took up about a third of the room. I nearly killed myself on that thing both nights we stayed there. It made going to the bathroom a death-defying adventure.

Speaking of the bathroom, I never knew one could turn a walk-in closet into a full bathroom but here we are. I had to turn sideways to get into the bathroom which was about 4 x 7 feet. I think only a small child could sit on the toilet comfortably and it was the first time I had ever taken a poop at a near 90 degree angle. Do NOT recommend it.

While all of this was less than 5 star, I didn’t care. I was mere hours away from seeing Wicked on Broadway. Which meant it was time to take a closet shower.

(To be continued)

#Whatdoyathinkaboutthat?!

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