I had myriad ideas of what to write about today but I have decided to go with a thought that is less cohesive as the others because it is the most important to me now, for some reason. I remember as a child I would “Play Guys”. Now, this isn’t a nod to sexual endeavors or anything like that. It was what I called playing with action figures. I would lay on the carpet in our small living room. I would lay just in front of the sliding glass door and enjoy the warm sunshine as it cast its warmth across me. I had so many action figures, I shouldn’t have been able to play with all of them…but I did.
I would have epic storylines going between the characters. Stories that traversed time and space. I would be in the tub and my characters would go into the tub with me because a portal would open and they would fall through but they had to beware the deadly shark infested waters! By that I mean my rubber shark that got thrown away because I fed it some of my dinner once and it rotted inside. Poor little guy had digestion problems I guess 😦
Then, I would be on my top bunk and enacting a scene where they were high atop a mountain, but it was all one continuous storyline. The sandbox desert, the jungle forest of the front lawn, the baron wastelands of the tiled kitchen floor. They were all venues where I imagined so much happening. I saw the epic crashes and the guns firing. I heard the action figures talking. It was amazing and I knew it was something more than just playing with toys. I tried to play with friends and their action figures but they just ran them together and wanted to talk. Not for me, this was life or death! I knew there was more going on than what they saw. There was magic.
Do you remember the first time you heard “Imagine” by John Lennon? I do. I was 9 years old. I was far too young to truly understand what he was saying about being one but it was the first time I got the sense of what a dreamer was. It hit me pretty hard. I can’t say why, but I listened to it over and over again. Always hearing, “You may say I’m a dreamer but I’m not the only one.”
Dreamer. That’s a pretty great title if you ask me. Years have gone by and I have put away things from my childhood and (some) childish things. I look at a few of my friends and I become saddened. We are getting older and moving on but I am starting to notice that the reality of bills and stress of relationships and life decisions are taking away that part of them that made their aura’s sway and flow like water, their light glisten, made them truly like me.
Dreamers. We all had this look to the future and it was not that the future was bright but that we had that light in us so that, when the dark times came, our light defied it. That magic somehow standing up to the ebb and flow of good and bad times in life. Now, I see that magic has gone from people. I don’t see it like I used to. Only in a few. I have to wonder what it’s like for them now.
Is there light in your darkness? Do you still see? Are there still fireworks? Can you still see the story without reading a page? Is there still magic where you are?
I hold no contention that I am above anyone. I just don’t know of any other way to be.
People are amazing. I love people but sometimes they’ve lost this part of themselves. This dreamer. That inner child that still nudges you in the ribs when you hear the theme song from Jurassic Park. Still kicks you in the gut every time you try to act too stuffy and too much your “age”.
It’s like you are floating. Gravity succumbs to you, not you to it. Your body is at it’s mercy but the you inside you is so much lighter than that. So much bigger than your body. My inner me. My dream-state. A thought of being free, embodied within me and personified. I relish it and let it take over me. I don’t care if I sound strange. I say what the me inside me wants to say. I would rather float just above the ground alone, than stuck to the ground with millions. That sounds harsh. It is the idea that everyone was once a dreamer but they let go of it, for some reason. They parted ways. I know it’s still waiting for them just around the corner if they would only look.
In a post that seems sporadic, I hope you find something in it. I hope that you can identify with this or maybe you can feel that little kick in your stomach from an old friend. In a place such as this where we watch the news and see atrocity and we have to worry about our children in schools, worry about bills, worry about where our next check is coming from, worry, worry, worry, worry, WORRY, I hope there is still room for you to dream.
Until then, I will still be here on the ground and walking through the high mountains and low valleys of life but inside I will be just off the ground, light in hand and waiting because I know I’m not the only one.