To all of those who stuck out my long absence I say thank you. It has been a while actually, more than a month I hate to say and it has been a roller coaster. I met a person from my past, started school, applied for my masters and, the reason I have been absent, currently have my grandmother and grandfather in the hospital..the same hospital. It was a coincidence really, they just both got sick, my grandmother doing the worst. So, i got a bit sidetracked. My mind was clouded and I would touch the keyboard to write but nothing came out.
I lost a relative in February and it was the first person who was close to me that died. Now, I feel those same emotions creeping under my minds door. It’s different for everyone, I suppose, but for me it feel like I am falling. Like a dream that just lets you keep plummeting. Not knowing which way is up or down, trying to find something to grasp on to and finding nothing there. This is brought on more so by the insanely surprising fact that I am actually quite a private person in the “real world”. Somewhat stoic, I don’t always emote. I mostly joke around but this is one of those things where jokes aren’t enough.
I feel the anxiety and fear and anger from this seeping into my relationships. I am quite affected by this, more so than I would have imagined. So, I am trying to keep these varying emotions inside myself like putting a lid on a coke bottle after tossing in a sleeve of Mentos. It’s something that is tough but I will get over it soon (hopefully).
So, this is what has been going on and I hope you can forgive me for the long absence. Now, I am off to do a post on a funner topic!