Little bits of crazy

Oh, Lucy! How I love her. Lucy being my mother. She is so quotable! One of my favorite ones of wisdom is “You don’t want to be with someone who will stand in the rain with you. You want someone who, when you are in the rain, shares their umbrella with you.”

(I’ll let that sink in!)

Now, when I was a kid she would say random things that make no sense in any context. They were just freeflowing thoughts and I would laugh extremely hard. She would then pretend to pick up her words from the ground and say “oops, I dropped some crazy”. So, the following list (which I plan to add to) is all about the sometimes insightful, sometimes funny but always true thoughts that spill from my curly head (by the way, never said I was proud of these. Don’t judge!):

1. I wonder if puppies look at their mom and daddy and understand they will eventually get bigger. I mean, do they have a concept that they will be that size? I am sure there is an answer but I wonder if anyone has ever thought this? Kant, maybe?

2. One of the greatest quotes I have ever heard was from a friend. I think about it when I get sad. He tasted four loko and said “This tastes like a bump I had on my head”. I will not tell you the story because the ambiguity is much better.

3. They used to call religion the “opiate of the masses”. Meaning that all of their toil would be rewarded by riches and a great eternity if they believed. I think the modern opiate is education. We believe that if you go through all of the bs that comes with higher learning that we will get a great job and make money and not have to worry. Well, tell that to the guy at subway with a masters in philosophy.

4. If I could go back in time, I would tell myself to put stock in google. At age 6.

5. I have never been skydiving but I am afraid that if I do and I go tandem (as you have to on your first jump) I would pee on the person. I just couldn’t deal with that humility all the way to the ground, then while he unbuckles me etc. I would just release myself in midair to get away from the awkwardness.

6. I want to wear a scuba suite and carry scuba gear with me when I board a plane. That way if we go down all I have to worry about it avoiding the suction of the plane sinking and even then, that is a mild anxiety that would be felt. I wonder what TSA would do if they saw that?

7. Another quote that was said recently I thoroughly enjoyed:

Me: I hate kids movies. Let’s rent a scary movie or something.

Her: No! I hate scary movies and you know that. The only movie I am going to rent is one that opens up and a unicorn jumps out!   Then                                  I can ride it around Family Video as rainbows shoot out of its a$$! That’s the only kind of movie we are watching.

(Granted I had been bugging everyone to rent scary movies for like ten minutes)

8. I asked a girl to wear a shirt that says “I am dating chris” and then on the back it says “Don’t you wish you were?” I asked my girlfriend to do this and she asked “How is that a Halloween costume? What would I be” and I said quickly “My property”. Okay, before I get hate mail or anything I am actually not a chauvinist. It is just a little joke I had for her. I wouldn’t actually do it. Single mom remember?

9. I think I would be better suited in the roman times as a gladiator. It just seems like my thing but I am actually not a fighter. It just seems cool.

10. When I was a kid I used to make up my own constellations. So some night, look up and see the “cookie dough” constellation. Also known as the big dipper mixed with a couple of other stars above the cup. When I was a kid I thought it looked like when my mom would spoon cookie dough onto baking sheets.

Until Next Time Friends!



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