On A Wheel



I was at the gym today, doing my usual routine. This routine, for a monday, would entail 1 hour of cardio and then bench and shoulder presses. I’m not going to lie, I do enjoy going to the gym in the early morning  for two reasons:

  1. There are usually older people there in the morning. This may sound terrible but I love lifting in front of old people because they are in awe of how much I am lifting. It’s not that I can bench like 500 pounds but it’s just that I can lift more compared to them and that makes the see me as a herculean Adonis. Basically, it’s an ego boost. Same reason why I get things off the top shelf for little old ladies, they appreciate it more than a super hot blond 20-year-old would. Fact!
  2. This somewhat correlates to number 1. I go in the morning because there are more old people thus meaning no really – girls around my age. When this happens I usually hurt myself. For some reason, I feel the need to lift as much as possible when a pretty girl is working out, not in close proximity mind you, but IN the gym. I figure there are mirrors she is bound to see me and be completely impressed. I don’t consider myself a narcissist so I don’t think that’s it. The next day, after trying to impress Ms.LovelyBody, I hate myself so much. My whole body usually hurts and I want to weep like I just watched rent. So, I go in the mornings.

Today, there was a hot girl. Early. Damn.

I was on the elliptical and there was a girl ahead and to the right of me on the treadmill doing work! I mean it was like she was running away from Jason Vorhees. Ms.LovelyBody was going insanely fast and looked amazing as she did it. She kept looking to her left in the mirror, either because she wanted to look at herself for form or beauty or to see if I was creeping, so naturally I wanted to go faster on my machine. My legs moved faster and faster and I increased the resistance higher and higher. I was going faster and harder than I had before. Then, for some reason, I got the mental picture of a hamster on a wheel and started giggling like a girl. I couldn’t help but imagine a hamster on a wheel next to me and we look at each other with knowing eyes. I then realized how silly the idea of  being there was. Having that visualization in my head, I imagined all the people there including Ms.LovelyBody, as hamsters just working out. Pumping iron, doin the damn thang! I kept laughing and thinking of this and then I looked up and saw that Ms.LovelyBody was gone. I got done and then got of the machine with wobbly legs, fumbled at a machine I had no idea how to operate, lifted and left but I still love the fact that I was, along with many others, a hamster for a while.

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