Recently my brother visited me for four days. That is what inspired me to write this blog. First, as always with my verbosity, I want to tell you about my adolescence.
I was never really the cool kid in school. I was a social butterfly and the class clown but never that guy that went to all the parties and ended up with the best looking girls. No, my life was nothing like all of my favorite John Hughes movies but it was actually fun. Although, I feel badly for individuals who say high school “was some of the best times in my life”. Yikes!
If this were true for me, I have a feeling I would be severely depressed; just all the time. I had a core group of friends who were just as wild and crazy as me. The first two years of our friendship, my two best friends and I used a camera that my mother got me for Christmas and we used it for everything we did. Sometimes we would just be driving and then turn it on and sing along to these songs. Most of those songs were angry hip-hop or rock songs lyrically depicting fighting or talking about women; really this was just an outlet for our teen angst. Then it caught some more extreme stuff.
At one point I had a Nissan 200sx…I’m 6’6″. If you know the car you are probably laughing at me right now and I can say for sure that every time I stepped out of that thing I looked like I was getting out of a clown car. On that car was a spoiler and one night “Mike” decided to jump on to my spoiler and I took off into the night. I remember looking into the rear view mirror and seeing his face light up in the tail lights, it was actually one of the most horrifying things I have ever seen and haunts me even today. A mixture of fear and elation, anxiety and happiness and the lighting making his brow look pronounced and his eyes darken; creepy right? After that we decided to make that a game, so we filmed it the next time. This time with a little s10 and my two friends took turns hanging on the back while I documented it.
During the tape we thought we were rebels and geniuses; people whom no one would ever really understand because we were too complex. “Mike” used to be really into the Anarchy symbols but what he called Anarchy most would call him being an a-hole (sorry for the abbreviated curse! PG right?). I hadn’t seen that tape since we last recorded it 11 years ago and recently I had it made into a DVD. Mike and me watched and we came to the conclusion that we were idiots. We could barely keep a straight face or look at the TV. Mike had an extremely high voice back then and was regularly thought to be a woman whenever we went through drive ups (still happens every once in a while today) and so Mike would ear-muff himself every time he would hear himself talking.
That was a decade ago. Now, Mike is probably going to work with cancer patients and I will eventually try to get into screen writing or teaching mass communications….yes, me a teacher. The point of all this is how greatly it contrasts with my little brother. It was so simple for me. We would be crazy and wild and have fun, simple. Lex came and, as we were driving around, we talked about a lot of things and he was just joking around but then he really got into some inner onion type stuff. Telling me about his sexual escapades, smoking weed, the fact he may be a teenage alcoholic (not true by the way) and he is 17. The entire time he was telling me this I was having a dilemma in my mind
Umm so he is telling me all of these things and I feel like I should call the Betty Ford Clinic or something. On one hand I am his big brother and I am supposed to be cool but some of the things he has done I have never even heard of
(He tells me about his sex life)
Oh God! I seriously don’t want to know about this. This is excruciating! I wonder if he would notice if I undid my seat belt and jumped out of this moving car because that would actually be less awkward.
That thought went on for two hours as he divulged horrors of an unspeakable level. I mean, I am 8 years older than him so I vividly remember his birth. I remember when he used to crawl around and I would lay on the floor and he would climb on my back and drool that cold baby spit on my neck. I mean this kid spit a lot, just a little drool factory but it was gross-cute because he was a kid. I also remember he thought it was hilarious when he was around 4 to chase me around the house after having a bath…while he was butt naked. My mother would be toweling him off and he would be giggling. I took that as my cue to hide in any room. I feared a four-year-old and his nudity. When he did this my mother deemed him Monkey Man. It was terrifying.
Now this child, whom I got into fights with because we matched wills in his “why” stage, when every answered question was followed up by a “why?”, now, he is telling me these things and I feel out of place. What do I do? Well, I came to the resolve that, whether he was telling the truth or not, he just wanted to have someone listen. So, I did. Every last sordid detail I listened to and in the end, I realized that maybe it wasn’t as simple as I thought. Maybe my adolescence is such a distant memory that those types of problems got lost in the cracks somewhere. We spent the next days together and I did feel closer to him….but I would still use germ-x after every time we shook hands.
I apologize for my absence but it was for good reason! I took the GRE with excellent results might I add (Thank You Kaplan). So, I studied all last week and really focused on the test, which paid off. I was surprised I did well as I was frazzled because I forgot to eat breakfast before taking the four hour test. We had to lock everything we had on us into a locker and when I returned with my watch and no key from the lock I realized I had locked the key in the locker. These were bad things to happen when I was already on the verge of pulling my hair out from stress. Then Quantitative Reasoning sections of the test made me reevaluate my existence. I read the first question and looked around me at the other people taking different tests and I thought “This isn’t a real question, right? Like, the answer doesn’t exist!” At the end though, I did better than I had hoped and now I can get back to my first love, writing!
A bit of back story.
When i was younger we moved a lot. My mother hated staying one spot for a large amount of time so we would move constantly to avoid life fatigue. This means that utilities would have to be transferred but that takes time. Cable would usually take the longest to get hooked up, so we would always watch movies (VHS, it was a while back). The one movie that became ritual to watch at the new house was Animal House. I love that movie and my mother does as well. So, we would camp out on the living room floor, eat air pop popcorn and watch the shenanigans on screen that made me want to go to college as a kid.
Years later, i was admitted to college and my mother thought it would be cool of me to keep a journal of my stay in college (prior to the blog explosion). I thought it was a great idea as well and that is when she gave me the book pictured above. She doesn’t know but at the time I was given this, I had been on a string of bad dates. So, one night after a severely unfortunate incident on a date I wrote it down in this journal as a reminder and ever since I have done just that. What is contained in this book is what I call my Dating Constitution. It is the guideline to which I abide on a date. I always keep them in mind so that i may learn from them.
What follows are select constitutional ideologies. I know some of them are funny but they all aren’t. I made a promise when I started this blog to be honest and I have to say that right now, I want to break it but I won’t. There is one aspect that is paramount in the journal but which still makes me cringe at the thought by saying “Why?” So, here are some embarrassing, sentimental and lamenting types of constitutional precedents that I hold true. I hope you enjoy and if you have any constitutional bills of your own, please tell!
#1- DO NOT DATE GIRLS THAT ARE CLOSE TO THEIR SISTERS
- This may seem dramatic but it is the inciting event. I was 19 and dating a woman who was 18. She was very outgoing and a lot of fun. I was in my “try to be cool at all times” phase so I listened to the hardcore music and even talked in a different way, just playing it cool. So, due to this, I don’t think she ever took me seriously, I mean this was in the early 00′s; I would wear baggy pants (not gangsta style but they definitely had a bit of room in them) and I was somehow claiming to be an anarchist but it just wasn’t me….I even died my hair green! Anyway, as I said, she wasn’t serious, I was. So, I meet her younger sister, 14 may I add, who was really cool and they were very close due to rough family life. As the weeks went on, I slowly noticed that her younger sister was texting me a lot and she was texting me less. Then, we were hanging out in a Hardees parking lot (oh the charm of small towns) when she decides to break up. I was not shocked really but I wanted to know why. It turned out that her little sister want to go out with me and there was a big dance at her school and she wanted me to go. Since they were so close she didn’t want to upset her sister by going out with me so she dumped me and tried to get me to go out with her sister. I believe I blossomed into maturity right then because I immediately exclaimed, “No way, she is 14. Do you know what would happen to me in jail!” She tried to rationalize with me but I ignored her. I took her home and promptly deleted her number. She called back once in a while but I never answered. I was extremely weirded out and confused that she thought the only thing keeping me from dating her RECENTLY turned age 14 sister was her. So, no more.
-AMENDMENT: Same for friends (same thing happened with these two girls that were friends. I’m not even cool!)
#7- PLACE THE WATER ON YOUR RIGHT SIDE
- I gesticulate a lot. It’s kind of embarrassing but yes, in fact, I am a “hand talker”. This rule comes from the night I was on a group date and I was severely attracted to this woman. We were deep in flirtatious conversation when the hostess walked up and said in a high squeak “HI EVERYONE, WHAT CAN I GET YOU TODAY!” It caused me to jolt and, water being on my LEFT side, my left arm flicked hard launching my large glass of water all over the lower body of our very pretty waitress. I was mortified, as was the woman I was talking to. It killed the conversation and our table got the worst service I had ever seen. I tried to explain myself but it made no difference. Never talked to the woman again and I never went into that restaurant again.
#11 MAKE SURE YOU ALWAYS SAY YOU ARE ON A DATE
- This one is making me smile as I say it. I was under the impression that I had been dating this girl for a while. We went to movies, talked, went to dinner. It was great. We laughed and had an awesome vibe together. Then, I went in for the kiss, finally, and she recoiled extremely fast. Much like a mongoose. I think we were both shocked by what had just happened. I was shocked because I had never been rejected of a kiss in a manner that made me feel like the Elephant Man and she told me this soon after, which explains her response:
“I can’t do that. I thought we were just friends, ya know? Like you are so much fun but you know I have a boyfriend right?”
This conversation went on and my face was burning with embarrassment. I wanted to jump out of my window just to avoid how awkward it was. I also believed she was letting me down easy. Giving excuses, etc. So,afterward, she called and texted and, due to my utter humiliation, I ignored her (see a pattern here?). Until, I went to see a movie with my friends “Mike” and “Morgan”. I look down in front of me and she is turned around in her seat giving me a small wave and a half smile; her boyfriend’s arm wrapped around her shoulders. At least she wasn’t lying, I guess. I remember it vividly because I remember his enormous, triumphant, purple Mohawk. Mike and Morgan teased me about that for months. I still wondered if they are together sometimes.
#22 NEVER SAY NO
- This one is a bit harder to talk about. We all have the one that got away but this is the one that I almost had that I let go away. I write this sincerely but maybe vaguely as who knows who reads this. Maybe SHE would read this. As I said, at some point I wonder when this honesty thing will get me in trouble. Here is the reason for this:
I met her years ago. She was dating a man who was treating her like crap. We worked together and we were both very young. Kindred spirits I think sums up everything here. So, whenever I was at work I would do as much as possible to cheer her up on those days when her boyfriend was less than courteous to her. I wasn’t trying to steal her away, I just wanted to be in her presence. I am not the same person I was back then. I used to be almost bored in life. i am sure there is a better word for it but I was just bored. My position was just not fitting at the time but her….She was the only person that, to this day, was comfortable with being her. She had that lust for life that i wanted so badly and we just talked a lot. About anything. We would debate and joke around. We had a contest for at least a month about who could find the dirtiest joke, she would always win. So, eventually they break up and I am extremely happy by this but…I do nothing. We talk for months later, I even help her move. She was great and one day, she says she is going to Paris for New Years and wanted me to go with her and her friend. I look back now and want to slap myself for saying what I did…”No”. I gave some big diatribe about how I just couldn’t. Then she went and when she came back she had met the person she is with to this day. I hear things are going well and they moved in together. So, I wonder now, did I miss something or would I have stood in the way of someone else’s something? That’s why now, I never say no.
Well, that was long but thanks for sticking with me! I still write in that little book of do’s and don’ts, adding amendments and such but, after writing this, I wonder if it is a good thing or a bad thing that these exist? Sometime you have to close your eyes and leap over the gap instead of measuring the distance. Sometimes.
PS- Now that I told you some inner-layer stuff, do you guys have any constitutional dating ideologies?
Thank you to The Self-Loathing Narcissist for this one! I know it sounds derogatory but that is her name so no one can get mad, right? These mean a lot to me! This being the third one I am just blown away! Millions of individuals on here and you guys take the time to give me the proper respects and I am humbled and thankful for it!
I have to complete the five statements below to receive the award:
1. Include the award logo somewhere in your blog
2. Answer these 10 questions, below:
1. What kind of blogs do you read most?
Mainly personal blogs about self-exploration but some tech stuff and poetry and photography blogs as well.
2. What is your favorite Ice Cream?
Easy, rocky road.
3. What is your favorite food?
This may seem gross to other but I love Tuna. Amazing stuff! I love all fish really. My family are all fishers (fisherpeople?), so it is a huge and delicious part of our diet!
4. Do you prefer Boxers or Briefs?
I’m a best of both worlds kinda guy–boxer briefs
5. What is your favorite quote?
Plato is a bore- Oscar Wild
6. Tell us about your most embarrassing moment?
Sorry butthat’s for a whole other blog post.
7. What do you prefer, dogs or cats?
Either really but dogs are much more playful. They can be a handful whereas as cats are more leisurely and self-sufficient but don’t play. So, cats are kind of like that house guest who won’t get a job. They’re just there.
8. Besides writing what is your favorite thing to do?
drawing, painting, watching movies, the list goes on!
9. Dark Chocolate or Milk Chocolate?
10. What is the best invention you have ever seen?
3.Nominate blogs I enjoy and 4.Pay the love forward: Provide your nominee’s link in your post and comment on their blog to let them know they’ve been included and invited to participate.
These are some blogs I love to peek in on once in a while just to see what’s going on and I will admit that one of them is somewhat explicit but one of my guilty pleasures!
These are just a few but noteworthy blogs that i like to check out and hopefully you will love them as well.
5. Pay the love back with gratitude and a link to the blogger(s) who nominated you.
(done, thanks Frizbee!)
Well, that is the final award and I am so grateful for all of the awards! It means so much to put yourself out there and have people get what you are trying to say and what you are thinking when you write a post.
The Very Inspiring Blogger award! This is a cool one as well simply because I have never actually been called inspiring. So, thank you for the award Laugh Dammit!
So, previously i posted blogs that were previously followers and I will do the same. This time I will abstain from descriptions for two reasons:
1. This makes thirty!
2. I found on my last one that I wrote a lot of information about some and insufficient amounts (in my opinion) about others.
So, I write this as a preface to the list occurring below and I want to say that i looked through all of these blogs and found that they are all great and inspiring! It is hard to find a fraction to give the award to. So, I tip my hat to all of you who receive this award and thank you for following IDQT.
The rules (Dun, Dun, DUN!):
1.Display the award logo somewhere on the blog.
2. Link back to the blog of the person who nominated you.
3. State seven things about yourself.
4. Nominate 15 other bloggers for the award and provide links to their blogs.
5. Notify those bloggers that they have been nominated and of the award’s requirements.
1. When I am around film buffs I tend to pretend that my favorite movie of all time is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind when, in fact, it is a toss up between Howard The Duck and Who Framed Roger Rabbit
2. I used to drink soda but currently do not. When I did, I used to open like five Sprites and leave them in the fridge because I actually enjoy soda more when it’s flat.
3. I have a pet peeve of when people call soda “pop”. I can’t help it but it makes my inside tense.
4. I have a devastating fear of slugs.
5. I was taller than my mother by age 7.
6. I can sing every line to every song of the 80s film The Little Shop Of Horrorss
7. For a short while to prepare for college, I was a mall security guard (Let the Paul Blart jokes fly!)
Now, to all of those who i feel deserve this award, my respect to you in no particular order:
1. Lila’s Twist
8. Oh Africa…
As I said, all of these should be on your blogger reading list and as always, I say thank you.
I would love to thank Finding Ann MacGregor for nominating me for this award. It means so much that she would nominate me and this little blog I have here and I must say that her blog is excellent as well and everyone should check it out!
I haven’t been doing this blogging thing too long but if there is one thing that I find amazing about blogs it’s about the community that is around them. I like writing but reading your comments and seeing how everyone can relate makes me happy as all heck. This award is truly an honor and I thank you!
These are the rules of this award:
1. Add the award to your blog
2. Thank the blogger who gave it to you and include a link to their blog.
3. Mention 7 random things about yourself.
4. List the rules.
5. Give the award to 15 or more bloggers.
Hmm seven short and sweet things about me:
1. I have to pass the morgue to get to the cafeteria at my internship. Every time I pass it I await the sudden popping out of a reanimated entity. I’ve seen that movie and it never turns out well for the “first guy”. I would be the first guy.
2. I listen to classical music on Pandora whenever I write blogs.
3. I have an obsession with Katherine Hepburn
4. It took me almost a decade before I realized “The Blair Witch Project” was fake….not proud of that one..
5. I try not to use my cell phone because, in general, I loathe mobile technology. I believe we are all turning into electronic zombies. The electro-undead if you will. Okay, if anyone wants to use that name for a band please do, That would be awesome. You’re welcome!
6. I am not a mama’s boy but, coming from a single parent background, I can’t help still live my life by thinking “what would my mom think?”
7. Whenever I paint, I don’t like to show the faces of the people on canvas. So, I usually have them facing away or contrast them with shadow.
Okay, so there are two more blog posts about the other two awards, so this isn’t all of the blogs but I will admit I will only put my followers up on here because, as I said before, you guys are like family!
In no particular order:
-Okay, a little favoritism here I guess but this was my very first follower!
-Poetry that I am truly touched by and jealous of. Kudos to you.
-One of those rare instances of when a blog has so much variety you could navigate through it for quite a while
4. Miss Sun
-A fun and quirky blog
-All about a woman’s internship working with some big cats and, as an animal lover, I love the content. The pictures are also great as you get to meet each tiger. Great stuff.
-very interesting, honest and cerebral blog.
-insightful juxtapositions of men and women
– addictive, addictive, addictive!
-A very fun travel-type blog written almost in diary format
-A great and honest read
– A good, personal blog.
12. Mag Offleash
-Great writing and words of wisdom!
– A thought provoking blog that is a delight to read.
– great self discovery type of blog worthy of a thorough read
15. Between Sisters
– great poetry with an impressive back catalog to keep your poetry needs satisfied!
Whew! That was fifteen. Two more awards and then an honest, true blue blog! I just want to thank everyone once again for being such a great bunch of people and know that even if you just click the button it means a lot to me and you are appreciated.
Thank you for everything,
Hello again! Happy belated fourth of July friends!
So, I am months away from graduating from my nominally esteemed college and I must admit that there is a bit of something in me that is stirred by this. Not fear but not elation. Something else. I talk a lot about my roommate and he has actually been my best friend for over a decade (I just felt weird saying that! Friends for a decade! That’s two fifths of my age that I have called him my best friend. Wild.). Where was I?…Oh yeah, so we have been friends and roommates and his girlfriend is a friend of mine as well. We hang out a lot, third-wheel is implied there, and it’s always fun.
They were going to go see fireworks but I was just going to sit around and study for the GRE. I said this only to sound productive for, in reality, I was going to workout and re-watch Arrested Development. I wanted to go though! Just not as a third-wheel…again. I love fireworks but more on that later.
I guess it’s funny how things work out though. The day before the fourth I tore my calf muscle (medial gastrowidfuwuefh strain i believe. Sorry but medical terms aren’t my forte. It hurts that’s about it.*). This tear kind of limited my mobility so I was stuck in the house for pretty much the entire day Tuesday and then all of Wednesday morning and afternoon. I am by no means an “inside” person. I love being outdoors, so this little set-back was not appealing to me. I became severely bored. The kind of bored where you are too bored to do anything so it makes you lazy. I couldn’t watch AD because my attention span was gone, I could only listen to about a minute of a song before changing it, which annoyed me. I was non complaisant. Then, later in the evening, my roommate and his girlfriend asked if I wanted to get ice cream. They had decided not to see fireworks because of the heat and crowds. I didn’t miss a beat. After his girlfriend asked me if I wanted to go, I hobbled to a stand and said, “where to?!” probably a bit too eagerly but I was just happy to get out of the house.
I never noticed just how much I used my calf muscles until everything I did mobility wise was affected by searing pain when I did the wrong movement. I had to walk with my right foot cocked almost completely sideways, my roommate saying, “I didn’t know you were half pirate” or “Look at Chris with his pimp walk”. Love you too, bro…
We have our ice cream and talk about relationships. They talk about how they’ve been dating a year and people keep hinting they should get married which sends palpitations through my heart. Not that I don’t want them to get married it’s just, the idea is too foreign for me, especially considering our age but that’s a whole other blog post. Then I remark on how that’s better than people questioning your sexuality because you don’t have a girlfriend. I think that’s funny. Most people are serial monogamists, jumping from one relationship to another. I’m a romantic at heart. I like to date but I won’t be in a relationship with someone just to BE with someone. I want it to mean something. So, I walk the dusty trail alone, sometimes. I’m okay with it but some just think it’s because I like boys. Go figure.
So, after ice cream we went to a video store and rented Chronicle (see it), and as we were leaving we heard a BOOM! The first firework went off. Then another BOOM! I poked my head out of the car window and into the humid night air. Those beautiful neon green lights that faded to orange and finally dissipated. The smell of gun powder hung in the air and I took it all in. I could hear her saying she couldn’t see them. My roommate doesn’t love nor hate fireworks. He just doesn’t see the point of them but he would have gone for her. She said she didn’t want to go but in this moment with all of those lights hanging over head as we drove through the shadow shrouded streets, she wanted to and he knew it. So they squabbled a bit about why she didn’t say she really wanted to go but I took no notice.
We ended up in the parking lot of Schnuck’s and as we pulled up, we saw that there were fireworks going off in the distance. She got out first and stood in front of the car. It was funny seeing her face light up at the spectacle in front of us. It was like she was a kid again. My roommate and I sat in the car for a moment and then I convinced him to get out of the car. The three of us stood in the empty parking lot and saw fireworks going off on our left. The lights lit up the clear night sky.
Then more in the distance to our right. They were on either side of us. Then a single BOOM! and a POP just in front of us. We had come to a point where we could see three shows going off at once.
I reveled in this. It took me back to being a kid and wanting to get as close as I could to the fireworks. I loved it when they went off almost above your head and later little bits of ash fell on you. The smell of the gunpowder will always stick with me. After those long shows as a child, I would run through the open, grass field, barefoot of course, and it would be covered in smoke. It was almost like fog hanging in the air.
The three of us stand at the foot of the car in silence. The three fireworks shows going off one after another. I look over at them embracing and I find I am troubled. In this moment there is lament. He is graduating in May and has plans to move to Florida and she may possibly go with him. So, I am looking at these two people whom I genuinely love and I think about how in one years time the likelihood that we will do this again is not there. This singular event is all that we have. Time runs out. I look back at the fireworks and I am content because now I enjoy the fireworks for a different reason. I enjoy them for what they stand for in that moment and I am happy again.
So, even though I may not see them for years after May or possibly never see them again, I get to know that they are friends that I never took for granted. We may have all wanted something different that day but somehow, in the end, we got our fireworks.
*FOOT NOTE: So, if you read this far, kudos! it was a long one! This is a small story about the calf pull. My roommate “Mike” is really into fitness and stuff. So he wanted me to do agility training with him out in a park. It was fine at first but then we did this hill running drill. You have to sprint up the hill then walk down. Do that 10 times each. ten up, ten down. It is really hard. So I am on my tenth one going up when I hear a pop and a feeling of pain that made me want to pee myself. Glad I didn’t because there were a lot of people around. I get home and look up my injury. It says it happens commonly to tennis athletes. It listed the causes of the injury. Guess what the first one was….Hill Running.